I don’t know how all of you fared, during these next 4 episodes, but I found myself crying more times than I can count! Between the developing back-story and the whole thing with Teacher Seol, I shed more than my fair share of tears. But then they had to go and throw in that ending and I’m just… AUGH! Why can’t episodes come out more than twice a week!?!
Obviously, I’m more than a little emotional this week but that doesn’t mean I spent all of my time watching this week’s episodes in tears. On the contrary, I kinda cracked up when the cheating boyfriend and lousy friend showed up at the beginning… I don’t know, maybe I should be a little more sympathetic towards the guy. After all, he is going to be disfigured for the rest of his life. But in all honesty, I don’t feel bad for him at all. If you’re going to cheat on your girlfriend, with her best friend, no less, you deserve whatever punishment you get. In this poor sod’s case, he’s gonna have to live with that punishment for the rest of his life. Oh la! Isn’t Fate a funny thing? (Sorry, but I can’t stop laughing!)
*ahem*
Moving on… As humorous as this opening scene may have been, it also laid the groundwork for everything that was to follow. By bringing Nurse Yoo in to help with her boyfriend’s operation, Dr. Song was making a very clear statement as to how she approaches her work. In her eyes, all emotion is to be left at the door as those emotions may be the very thing that costs a patient his or her life. By making Nurse Yoo decide if she was going to be a hurt girlfriend or a useful professional, Dr. Song was teaching Nurse Yoo that as a medical professional, you sometimes have to put your own selfishness aside for the sake of those you’re treating. It wasn’t an easy lesson for Nurse Yoo to learn but it was an invaluable one.
This whole lesson ties into the rest of this week’s story, as we learn that Dr. Kwak’s past mistake was directly related to his unstable emotions. Of course these emotions were directly linked to the amount of stress he was living with, as he tried to help his broken father adjust to life at home. Clearly, being the sole caregiver to his unwell father, is what caused him to make such a simple, yet life-altering, mistake. Hyun himself admitted that this mistake was the beginning of all his troubles as a doctor and it’s clear that this mistake is what keeps him from living up to his true potential as a doctor. That’s not to say he’s not already a great doctor, because we can all see that he is, it’s just that he needs to overcome this trauma if he ever hopes to become greater.
That’s why I was so happy when Seol Jae Chan told Hyun that the compassion he has for his patients will eventually become his greatest asset. Having this come to him from a man he loves and respects is going to have a profound impact on both his personal and professional life. Having suffered under this heavy burden of regret for so long, Hyun is beginning to doubt his ability to care for those who come to him for help. Having a father so broken he asks his son to kill him, could only compound theses feelings of uselessness and incompetence. After all, having such a great and noble man ask you to kill him could only mean he sees you as a means to an end, rather than a source of help. Wouldn’t that mean the senior Dr. Kwak only recognizes his son’s ability as a doctor up to the point where he could help him die? After having just made a mistake that resulted in a patient’s death, having a request like this made of him would certainly affect Hyun’s ability to judge his own capabilities as a doctor. If he started to feel like his only talent was in helping people pass, wouldn’t he begin to doubt everything he’s  ever done? Having to live with those types of feelings would certainly explain why he’s so traumatized now. I mean once you start telling yourself you’re a failure, it doesn’t take long for you to start believing that it’s true. If Hyun began to believe that his only skill was in hurting, rather than healing, it would definitely have an impact on his work. Maybe that’s why he struggles so much with intubation. Perhaps he feels like even if he does his best, the patient will ultimately end up dying anyway. If that’s the case, having Eun Jae around to remind him that patients die, regardless of their physician’s skill, could really do him some good.
I think that’s why Eun Jae’s lesson at the beginning of this week’s episodes was so important. Hyun needs to be reminded that, as a doctor, things will inevitably happen and whether he’s ready to face them or not, it’s his job, as a physician, to do everything in his power to ensure his patient is well taken care of. At the same time, Eun Jae has a tendency to forget that her patients are people, which is why she needs Hyun around. Hyun provides the compassion while Eun Jae provides the perspective. I think together they could make a formidable team but they have a lot of baggage they need to get rid of before either of them takes the steps needed to become truly great.
My question is, will Eun Jae’s ambition keep her from learning the lessons Hyun’s trying to teach? We already know that Eun Jae is a very driven individual. She has plans, she has dreams, she herself admits that she’s very materialistic. She sees her job more as a means to better her personal life than anything else. Cold words coming from someone whose sole job is to save people’s lives. I’m very much bothered by the fact that Eun Jae is so cold and uncaring towards her patients. Sure, she want to see people come up off that operating table and go back to their normal lives but not because she’s worried about those people’s lives or health. She just wants the prestige that comes from performing so many successful (and difficult) surgeries. This is why she’s so adamant about Seol Jae Chan getting that X2 surgery. She’s not pressing for it because she wants to see him go on to live a long and happy life. Nope! She just wants the chance to say, “See!?! See what I’ve done!?!” Basically, she wants the chance to say she’s made the impossible possible and use that as both an impressive notch on her thesis and her means for returning to the more glamorous (for lack of a better word) world of Seoul hospital life. We already know she’s determined to get her old life back and this would be the perfect way to make her comeback. Too bad Jae Chan keeps refusing the surgery.
As sad as it makes me, knowing that unless something changes, Hyun is going to have to suffer the pain that comes with losing a loved one, I think Jae Chan’s decision to live out the rest of his life as normally as possible, is a good one. Or at least an understandable one. Having been in the room when the word “cancer” is first spoken, I know what kind of blow that is. I know the emotions that rage as you try to process it all. I know the uncertainty that follows. I know the hardship that comes as you fight that battle. It’s a struggle mentally, physically, emotionally, financially… (The list could go on forever.) I also know that even if you’re lucky enough to come out the other side, your life will never be the same. Because winning a single battles doesn’t mean you’ve won the war. That’s why I respect Jae Chan’s decision so much. Because he knows what this fight is going to cost. He’s done it once already, he knows exactly what it is he’s facing, and he’s decided that’s not the way he wants to leave this world. I can’t blame the man for wanting his last moments on Earth to be as full and happy as the possible. After all, he said it best when he told Dr. Song that three months may not seem like a lot of time but it’s a whole heck of a lot longer than dying on her operating table. If this surgery were one that could guarantee success, I’m sure he’d be all for it. But this surgery is so experimental, it’s never actually been done before, and that means there’s a very good chance Jae Chan might not ever wake up. I think if I were in his shoes, with a spouse already gone and no family around to fight for, I’d be tempted to choose the same fate. Then again, I’m more of a fighter so after setting my affairs in order, I’d probably decide to give it a go. If I survived, I’d make history and possibly help countless other who might be suffering my same fate, and if I died, I’d get to be with my passed loved ones that much sooner. Either way, I couldn’t be any worse off than I already was. That’s probably why there’s a part of me that really hopes Jae Chan will decide to go ahead with the surgery. At the same time, there’s a bigger part of me who doesn’t want that sleazy doctor in Seoul to get any sort of credit for this surgery, so really, I’m completely torn. I guess just like everyone else, I’ll have to respect whatever decision Jae Chan makes. Wow! Respecting other people’s decisions, even when we don’t agree with them!?! Talk about some lessons learned! Who knew you could glean so much real-life wisdom from a drama?
Speaking of drama… What the heck was up with this week’s ending!?! I mean seriously! We just spent the better part of 2 hours digging into the past of our main characters, having our hearts ripped out while we watch Hyun deal with this beloved teacher’s illness, and then they have to go and throw such a dramatic moment in at the end!?! WHAT THE HECK!?! I know, I know. It’s all to get us to come back this week and watch the next episodes but GOOD GRIEF! I do NOT like having our precious doctor’s fate left hanging there like that! I need today’s episodes to come out STAT! ă…‹ă…‹ă…‹
Like I said, I got a little emotional this week, which is probably why I’m freaking out so much about this ending. I’ve had my emotions toyed with too many times during these 4 episodes, I can’t stand having thing left hanging. Literally. Of course things will all work out in the end but how do we get to that end??? I guess I’ll just have to watch the next episode to find out. In the meantime, why don’t you tell me what you thought of this last week’s episodes. Did you enjoy them? Were you as emotionally invested in them as I was? Do you think Hyun will ever find a way to overcome his trauma? Do you think Eun Jae will ever learn how to have compassion for her patients? You know I always love hearing from you so be sure to let me know what you’re thinking in the comments below!
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