HOLY VANISHING ZOMBIE, BATMAN!

Holy crickets, it’s been a long time since I sat down to write anything here! What the heck!?! You’d think I’d dropped off the face of the planet or something!

Thankfully, I haven’t dropped off of anything. Not yet anyway… Except maybe the deep end, but that’s not really anything new, now is it? ㅋㅋㅋ

Actually, I just popped in for a second because I had the sudden realization that the last time I was here, I didn’t have a lot of good news to share with anyone and honestly, I made life sound pretty freaking awful. Which, let’s be honest, at the time, it was. But things have gotten so much better since then, I felt it was only right to pop in and let you all know that I’m still here, I’m doing infinitely better than I was back in January, and that even though I’m not writing anything in this particular space, I’m actually still very active in the great and glorious world of Hallyu.

In fact, I’d go so far as to say that some of you read my work very frequently. You just don’t know it’s me. Because I’m actually a ninja…

Okay, no. I’m not really a ninja, just a writer who’s picked up some freelance gigs over the past six months or so. I’ve covered a few concerts in Chicago, got to interview M.O.N.T (who are completely adorable, and super sweet, and if you haven’t checked them out yet, you totally should), I have a few more concerts I may be covering in the next month or so (so if you see me, be sure to stop and say hi), and on top of all this, I’ve been working as a content writer for a certain video streaming website all you drama lovers out there will know very well. 😉

I have to say, as awful as this year started out, 2019 is proving to be one of the best years I’ve had in a L-O-N-G time. Not only have things on the work front gone surprisingly well, but on the personal front as well. I finally reached a point (thanks to a certain string of events, a handful of amazing friends, and a couple of back-to-back concerts with a band who possesses an uncanny ability to waltz into my life at the very moment I need them most) where I decided I was done letting my health (or lack thereof) control my life. So I took it back. Believe me, it’s a lot easier to write that than it is to actually live it but nonetheless, it’s what I’ve done. Or am attempting to do, slowly and steadily, over the past eight months or so, and I’m happy to report that I’m in a much better place physically, mentally, and emotionally, than I’ve been in years. I’ve found new inspiration to be creative and crafty. (I’ve gone so far as to make myself a set of plushies and even a mini-me, which felt really weird making at the time, but I have to admit, now, I kinda love her.) I planted a garden (and watched with tears in my eyes as the squirrels and skunks ate EVERYTHING I grew 😭). I reconnected with my first love, Japanese rock (Coldrain is kinda killing me right now… Then again, so is One OK Rock… But that’s nothing new!) I’ve started going on food adventures with friends, in which we explore new and delicious restaurants around the Chicagoland area. (And oh man, have we found some delicious places to eat!) I’ve even started running again! (Which is something I honestly never thought I’d be able to do again, but here I am! 10 weeks in and still not dead. Woohoo!)

(Can we say inspiration?)

I will admit that I still have bad days, but don’t we all? I’ve just decided to take a more active role in deciding just how bad those days get. Making a conscious effort to live each day to the fullest is hard (and sometimes exhausting) but a good friend and I vowed (after that aforementioned string of events) that we wouldn’t let there be any more wasted nights in our lives and though I can’t speak for my friend, I can assure you, I’m doing my best to stick to my word. Because as I’ve been made painfully aware, you only get one life so you’d better make the most of it while you still can. So I am. And I hope you are too.

((HUGS))

Hello From the Other Side

I can’t believe it’s been over a year since I last sat down to write a blog post. It just doesn’t seem possible and yet, here we are…

When I walked away from my computer last February, I had no idea it would take me a year to come back. My plan was to take a short break while I got some health issues figured out and them come back, stronger (healthier) and better than ever. But that didn’t happen. Instead of finding answers, I now have more questions. Instead of getting better, I got worse. Much worse.

Overdramatic much?

Over the course of this past year I’ve seen 11 different doctors, been to 3 different emergency rooms, taken my first emergency ambulance ride (which is waaaay less fun than what they make it appear in dramas… Go figure!), had more tests done than I can even count and have an entire pharmacy’s worth of medications sitting on top of my refrigerator. My quality of life has dropped significantly as I attempt (rather unsuccessfully) to find ways to deal with the pain that has become a permanent fixture in my life. I often find myself explaining to others, “I’m not really living anymore, I’m just existing” and to be perfectly honest, it sucks! I’ve really struggled with this whole transition from “wonder mom” (which isn’t really me but people seem to think I am anyway) to barely function human being. Despite what some might think, it’s not easy, going from productive member of society to useless pile of whacked out nerves and endless pain. What makes this whole thing even worse is the fact that I still haven’t been able to find a doctor who can figure out what’s wrong with me. Most of them either look at me and go “Oh… well… that’s odd” or treat me like I’m an attention-seeking, hypochondriacal, wackadoo Hausfrau with too much time on her hands. Sometimes it’s both.

I tried to put off writing a post like this for as long as possible because I wanted to be able to come in at the end with a happy “But now I’m back and better than ever!” But I can’t. I wanted to have all my questions answered. But they’re not. I wanted to have my life back on track. But it isn’t. I wanted to be able to say, to all of you who may be suffering with your own chronic illnesses, “Hang in there! An answer is on the way! You’ve got this!” Which really, is the only thing I can say, not just to others but to myself as well. Some days I believe it, some days I don’t. But I have to keep trying because what’s the alternative?

Like so many others going through life with a chronic illness, I often find myself wondering why life decided to throw me this curve ball but I never come up with an answer. I don’t know why my nervous system has decided to go completely wacky, or why my spine feels like it’s a flaming lightning rod all. the. frickin’. time. I don’t know why I’ve had a migraine-like headache every second of every day for the past 2 years. I don’t know why some days my legs are like “NOPE! You’re not going to walk today!” I don’t know why I can’t talk someone into doing that Mortal Kombat finishing move on me and pull my head off, Sub-Zero-style, taking my spine out with it. (For some reason people seem to think that one might not actually help me feel any better… Weird.)

There are a lot of things I don’t know. But one thing I do know is, I’m not giving up. Not now. Not ever. I’m going to keep fighting. I’m going to keep searching for answers. I’m going to keep doing the absolute best I can; even if that means that some days all I do is drag myself from my bed to the couch and back again. Because, again, what’s the alternative? Giving up isn’t an option so I’m just going to keep trying.

I hope that some day soon, I’ll be able to hop back on here with the happy news that I’ve finally found answers, that I’m finally starting to feel like my old zombie self, that life is finally starting to get back to normal. Believe me, stepping away from writing for this long has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. But as Yong Junhyung says in his first album intro, “nothing is forever” and I have to believe that someday “this too shall pass.” Until then, know that I’m still here. I’m still watching as many dramas as I can. I’m still squealing over K-Pop comebacks and life-ending teaser photos and heart-stopping music videos. I’m still trying to make it to as many concerts as I can. I’m still doing everything I can to keep as much of me “me” as I can. Because life doesn’t end just because you have a chronic illness, it just has to slow down every now and then. (A fact I’m still not willing to accept without much grumbling… *grumble grumble grumble*)

TUNE OF THE WEEK: DAY6 “If We Meet Again”

Last week DAY6 dropped a stellar MV on the world as they prepare for their official Japanese debut and quite honestly, I’ve been shaken to my very core. This single has become life and death and everything in between. It’s absolutely everything I ever could have hoped for and so much more! Which is why, even though more than a week has passed since it’s release, I’ve decided to feature “If We Meet Again” as this week’s “Tune.” Continue reading “TUNE OF THE WEEK: DAY6 “If We Meet Again””

HAPPY 💖 DAY: A Sweet Little Valentine’s Playlist Just for You!

It’s Valentine’s Day and even though I’m fully aware that not everyone in the world enjoys this particular day, I do. I just can’t help myself. I love having a day dedicated to expressing the love I have for all the important people in my life. And yes, this includes you! Without you, my dear readers, where would I be? What would I be? Bored… Alone… A miserable freak of an outcast, grossly misunderstood by those in my life who can’t appreciate this undying love of all things Hallyu which is embedded deep within my soul… (Sorry, the holiday seems to be drawing out my inner ridiculously melodramatic poet. Go figure!) But back to Valentine’s day… In honor of this most lovey-dovey of days, I’ve put together a little playlist full of all the sweetest songs I could find, just so I could share them with you. Enjoy! 😘 Continue reading “HAPPY 💖 DAY: A Sweet Little Valentine’s Playlist Just for You!”

TUNE OF THE WEEK: iKON “Love Scenario”

I’m pretty sure this week’s “Tune” comes as a HUGE surprise to… absolutely no one! Yeah… I know. I should probably work on keeping my biases more in check. But really, where’s the fun in that? Besides, with a song as flipping fantastic as “Love Scenario” well… There’s every reason in the world to be freaking out right now. So here. I. Goooooooooooo… Continue reading “TUNE OF THE WEEK: iKON “Love Scenario””

ZOMBIE’S TOP PICKS: January 2018

In my never-ending quest to come up with new and (hopefully) enjoyable content, I’ve decided to put together a collection of all my favorites from the past month. In part because I thought it would be a fun thing to do and also because I have a really hard time remembering things and I thought this would be a good way to remind myself of everything I’ve watched/listened to/ squealed over this past month. This way when I’m sitting down at the end of the year, trying to remember everything I loved about 2018, I might actually be able to come up with something more than a blank wall inside an empty brain. (Wouldn’t that be nice switch!) So to kick things off, here’s my list of January favorites. (Woohoo!) Continue reading “ZOMBIE’S TOP PICKS: January 2018”

ZOMBIE’S DRAMA REVIEW: Revolutionary Love Episodes 9-10

There’s something truly special about a drama that makes you fall in love with its characters over and over again. I know I’ve had some ups and downs with this drama, especially at the beginning, but we’ve finally reached a point where our leading characters have overcome the worst of their flaws and are now traveling down a path that will ultimately lead them someplace wonderful. Well, maybe not wonderful but definitely someplace better than either of them have been before. Oh! Just seeing the direction things are headed is making me so happy! I could almost do a dance of joy! Continue reading “ZOMBIE’S DRAMA REVIEW: Revolutionary Love Episodes 9-10”

TUNE OF THE WEEK: JBJ “My Flower”

Okay, so I know it’s been about a million years since I last let my inner fangirl out to squeal over a new K-Pop release; mostly because my head is stupid and looking at a computer screen for any amount of time kinda makes me want to rip it off. Despite all that head-ripping off, I feel it’s time to let my long-contained fangirl run free, at least long enough to squeal her little heart out over JBJ’s newest MV release, “My Flower.” Continue reading “TUNE OF THE WEEK: JBJ “My Flower””

For Jonghyun: You Did Well

Three weeks ago, a brilliant star let his light fade from this world and in his absence, I have struggled to find a way to deal with his passing. I know that to some it seems so silly, mourning the loss of someone so wholly unconnected to me, but I’m not writing this for those people. I’m writing this for me and for those out there who may be struggling, as I am, to find some way to say this last goodbye. Continue reading “For Jonghyun: You Did Well”

ZOMBIE’S DRAMA REVIEW: Revolutionary Love Episodes 7-8

I love the way this drama is starting to leave me with some serious warm-fuzzies. Not only is our OTP starting to make some progress *squee* but our hero is as well; which means I have a lot to be happy with in this next set of episodes. Sadly, I have some things that have really riled me up as well but such is the life of any drama watcher. I’m just happy that, for the most part, the good seems to be outweighing the bad. Continue reading “ZOMBIE’S DRAMA REVIEW: Revolutionary Love Episodes 7-8”